Today was one of those days, a very bad day.
I had an appointment with the specialist doctor, and he said that the corticosteroids that I had been prescribed have not worked, and that my tinnitus is sharp and does not look like it will heal someday. Hard to take in.
So far in life, I have always had difficulties in showing my feelings, but this time I couldn’t help myself and I collapsed in the hospital in front of the doctor and my family.
And I cried again when those adorable nurses tried to encourage me by telling me about cases of people who are close to them who suffer from tinnitus and who have gotten used to it.
But I don’t want anyone else to talk to me about getting used to it. I want to hear stories of people who get better, not accustomed, because ‘getting used to it’ is surrendering and accepting, and I cannot accept this. So I cried even more.
And I kept crying on the way home in the car, because I felt dazed and tired of everything, and mostly alone and misunderstood. They tell you suddenly that you have a thing called tinnitus and that it’s not curable and leave you like this, abandoned to your fate. Nobody around me seems to be able to imagine or understand what I’m going through.
(Note: go to this article to read “Tinnitus: what it is, its causes and treatments“).
Then I cried a little more at home in the afternoon. And I don’t mind crying anymore, because with every tear you’re a little closer to finding yourself stronger.
An astonishing fact of our existence is that every setback of life corresponds to a limited and determined number of tears, and nothing but those tears.
There will come other stages, but at the stage of mourning, once all the tears allocated to this situation of life have been shed, no more is spilled.
So in crying you’re letting go of all the frustration, anger, fear and helplessness you feel. The sooner they go, the better you feel.
Oriental saying: “Hold on when you feel that you can no longer carry on, because that is the precise moment in which your luck will change”
“Persist. The hardest time to climb a mountain is when you are about to reach the summit, just before you can start enjoying what’s on the other side”
Read:
30 celebrities who suffer from tinnitus, just like you
Chinese medicine: the only method that has truly reduced my tinnitus (in a week)
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